Funny Jokes , Jokes for Your Kids , Funny Jokes For Adults

Funny Jokes

Looking for funny jokes? Settle in: You’re in the right region. From smooth knock-knock jokes and the top corny jokes to hilarious one-liners and smart riddles, we’ve got the jokes assured to bring forth critical laughs.

Funny Jokes
Funny Jokes
  1. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

  2. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

  3. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

  4. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

  5. I’m so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

  6. My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.

  7. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.

  8. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says “They’re right behind you!”

  9. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

  10. Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.

  11. When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.

  12. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “No it doesn’t”

  13. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.

  14. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.

  15. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

  16. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

  17. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.

  18. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.

  19. Whatdya call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillipe

  20. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

    Funny Jokes
    Funny Jokes
  21. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.

  22. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

  23. Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.

  24. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!

  25. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  26. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

  27. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

  28. When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?

  29. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.

  30. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.

  31. And the lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life”. John came fifth and won a toaster.

  32. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.

  33. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!

  34. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.

  35. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.

  36. What’s the proper plural of beer? – Sixpack.

  37. Earl and Johnny go out on a hunting trip together. The nights are already cold so they don’t mind sharing the tent for one. At around 1 am, Earl wakes up suddenly: “Johnny, what do you think you’re doing?!”

  38. Johnny: “My hands are cold, I was just warming them between these two pillows.”Earl: “THOSE AREN’T PILLOWS!

  39. Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?Her: Awww… Yes!!!Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me

  40. Teacher: How much is a gram?Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

  41. What’s the difference between BOOM! Aaaaargh! And Aaaaaargh! BOOM!?

  42. The difference is whether you’re falling from the 1st or the 10th floor.

  43. I made a beginner’s mistake and went shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the happy owner of aisle 7.

  44. I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”

  45. Boy: The principal is so dumb!Girl: Do you know who I am?Boy: No…Girl: I am the principal’s daughter!Boy: Do you know who I am?Girl: No…Boy: Good! *Walks away*

  46. A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleanersThe lady says, “Come Again!”The blonde says, “No, it’s toothpaste this time.”

  47. Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”“No”, she replies sleepily.“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!” Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”

Famous Jokes for Your Kids

Kids are natural comedians so why no longer encourage them to get punny with those child-accredited quips that require little to no clarification from dad and mom. Just don’t be surprised while the comedy cartoon goes beyond today! Scroll down for our silliest and corniest jokes yet.

 

Famous Jokes for Your Kids
Famous Jokes for Your Kids

 

What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.

What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost bite!

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me!

Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?

Because when you find it, you stop looking.

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.

Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.

What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot!

Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern…

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?
R2 detour.

How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?

You rocket!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because of 7, 8, 9

Famous Jokes for Your Kids
Famous Jokes for Your Kids

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

When does a joke become a “dad” joke?

 When the punchline is a parent.

How do you make a lemon drop?

Just let it fall.

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

 Don’t take me for granite!

What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?

A wise quacker.

Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baby gull.

What kind of water cannot freeze?

Hot water.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

 A palm tree!

Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults

Funny jokes for adults Did I simply hear you assert “jokes are now very dull and now not humorous? ” If you simply said that, it means you’ve in no way honestly understood or read a joke. Comedians have screwed matters up. The concept of telling jokes have incredibly appeared to shift from being verbal to being ‘symbolic’ take, for example, using memes and snap shots. People are getting greater dumb every day. Not each person can photo all those dull and dead testimonies anymore. To do so, you want memes and photographs to convey your message. It would take a stage of cleverness to provide you with such thoughts like we’ve got at this period wherein Its simply trying to tell humorous grownup jokes.

Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults
Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults

Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?

A: When you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?

A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do you call a ninety-year-old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.

Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults
Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults
Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults
Short  And Amazing  Funny Jokes For Adults

Q: 6 What has got two legs and bleeds?

A: Half a dog!

Q: What do you call an Afghan virgin

A: Never bin laid on

Q: Why is Santa so jolly?

A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran infront of the bus?

A: He got tired

Really Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults

Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults

 

      1. Knock Knock

Who’s there?

I suck.

I suck who?

Michael Jackson.

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there? Boo.

Boo who

Stop crying you pussy! It’s just a joke!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Xavier. Xavier who?

Xavier breath and open the damn door!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Asshole.

Asshole who?

Open the door and find out, asshole!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Banana.

Banana who?

Banana split so ice creamed!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Water.

Water who?

Water way to answer the door!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Justin.

Justin who?

Justin time to wipe my ass!

  1. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Phil.

Phil who?

Phil McCrackin!

  1. Knock knock

Who’s there?

Amos.

Amos who?

A mosquito bit me!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there? Andy.

Andy who?

Andy bit me again!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Honeybee.

Honeybee who?

Honeybee a dear and bring me a beer!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Ima. Ima who?

Ima horney!Lets screw!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Madame.

Madame who?

Madame foot’s caught in the door!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Dwayne.

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Ivana.

Ivana who?

Ivana fuck you!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Shmel Mipe.

Shmel Mipe who?

No thanks… I’m not into that.

  1. Knock knock

. Who’s there?

Ben.

Ben who?

Ben dover and I’ll show ya!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Jenny Tull.

Jenny Tull who?

Jenny Tull warts!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Budweiser.

Budweiser who?

Budweiser girlfriend walking funny

Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
Funny Knock Knock Jokes For Adults
  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Gladiator.

Gladiator who?

He’s gladiator before they screwed!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Little Boy Blue.

Little Boy Blue who?

Micheal Jackson.

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Ben Hur.

Ben Hur who?

Ben Hur over the table!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Tera.

Tera who?

Tera McClosoff!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Halibut.

Halibut who

? Halibut a kiss, darling?

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Zizi.

Zizi who?

Zizi when you know how!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Little old lady

Little old lady who?

I didn’t know you could yodel!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Ben

. Ben who?

Ben Dover!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Armageddon.

Armageddon who?

Armageddon out of here!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Lemme.

Lemme who?

Lemme see those tits!

  1. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Sho Mia..

Sho Mia who?

Sho Mia your ass!

Funny Halloween Jokes For Adults
Funny Halloween Jokes For Adults
Funny Halloween Jokes For Adults

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?

A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q: What songs does Dracula hate?

A: “You Are My Sunshine” and “Sunshine on my Shoulders”.

Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?

A: She bats her eyes.

Q: Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?

A: He was all bite and no bark.

Q: Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?

A: At the casketeria.

Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?

A: A stake sandwich…

Q: What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes?

A: They suck!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite sport?

A: Casketball…

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?

A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: What is a vampires favorite holiday?

A: Fangsgiving

Q: What happens when two vampires meet?

A: It was love at first bite!

Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?

A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?

A: He had a fang-ache.

Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?

A: Count Duckula

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?

A: They all come out at night.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A: A necktarine

Q: How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?

A: So long sucker!

Q: What did Dracula have for dessert?

A: Whine & Ice scream

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snow man?

A: Frostbite

Q: Why do vampires scare people?

A: They are bored to death!

Funny Clean Jokes For Adults
Funny Clean Jokes For Adults
Funny Clean Jokes For Adults

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?

A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock

A: It went back four seconds.

Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?

A: Froze-T

Q: What did the femur say to the patella?

A: I kneed you.

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?

” A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

Q: What do you call a baby monkey?

A: A Chimp off the old block.

Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?

A: An irrelephant.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?

A: Lawsuits!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?

A: An Impasta

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

A: An Investigator